Birth Control Might Be Evil

Well at least, the birth control I’m taking might be evil. It’s Microgestin, in case anyone was curious. I started it in September, and I think it might have spoiled my October. Curses! I have no proof that this medication … Continue reading

With October Comes Gloom

And when I say gloom, I’m not wanting to evoke Halloweenish things like bellowing ghosts in graveyards, black cats crossing an empty street at night, giant jack-o-lanterns eating an entire village, etc. etc. That would be too happy for me … Continue reading

My Pale Skin – Atelophobia

Was not sure if I would write today, because I’m not letting myself feel nice consistently. Here’s what I’ve looked like this morning: “Weather is nice this morning. Fall is coming. I feel pretty good…”       “Might as … Continue reading

Be Balanced & Be Kind

I just want to explain upfront that I will only be writing here when I am feeling peaceful inside. If I go a long time without posting, it is because I’m not sustaining a peaceful, fairly balanced state. This summer has had plenty of nice moments, but generally the hot months take a toll on my thinking. Weather has a huge effect on my ability to think and feel the way I want to think and feel. I said before that I don’t want to let people affect me, but weather will always have a say in my mental health. I am able to write now because it is less than 80 degrees outside. This morning I put on a dress (a rather short dress) and as I was walking out the house my mom told me that I was going to freeze. Music. to. my. ears. I need to get back to a place where I can “work” on myself again. Summer is not that place.

The reason why I only want to post when I’m feeling peaceful, and not when I have negative emotions, is because I do not want an archive of chaotic or angry mental states. I realize that some people use their blogs to vent and find solidarity with others over their negative emotions and experiences, but that’s not something that benefits me personally.

I had a really nice morning, which was unexpected. My boyfriend got out of bed on his own (I usually have to drag him), and we spent some well-needed refreshing time together. I was just planning to let him sleep in, but it was great that he was more energized than he is on most mornings. He didn’t know that I was in a dark place, but he acted affectionate and upbeat exactly when I needed him to.

I want people to know that I am not a trivial person. I think a lot about serious issues in the world. They affect me internally. I deal with negative things in this city. But when it comes to writing, I need to set my priorities straight and take care of myself. It’s not selfish, because cultivating a peaceful state of mind is never really selfish in my opinion. Peaceful state of mind —> peaceful actions —> peaceful world.

Chaos, Control. Chaos, Control.

Deep breaths…you’re okay…you’re in control… https://www.youtube.com/embed/BjwiachXkjc“>http:// You’re less than six degrees of separation away from Ethan Hawke…because you met him at your street’s block party. No lie, I honestly met Ethan Hawke at my street’s block party. He was chilling … Continue reading