I’m so tired and unmotivated today. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I’m positive she’ll up my dose of Abilify, because that’s what she had planned anyway. And as it turns out, that’s what I seem to need. The lowest dose of it is still helping a bit but has worn off significantly.
I am just dead from applying to job after job and not getting the results I want. This guy at a small marketing company was supposed to schedule me for a second interview but hasn’t done so yet, to the point where I want to email him about it. I know exactly what I want, I really don’t ask for much as far as pay and benefits, but I just can’t get it. I’m stuck yet again and I’m sick of being stuck. It’s easy to feel very hopeful at the start, but once a few weeks go by of constantly checking your emails and not getting what you’re waiting for, and once your checking account is completely empty, you don’t feel the hope anymore. And I’m sure people would tell me, well you need to get some job at a restaurant in the meantime. Well my husband doesn’t want me to and he believes I will get the job I deserve soon enough.
Lately I’ve had three ducks kind of in a row, and I need more ducks. I had a phone interview yesterday for an administrative assistant position at a video company, but I won’t hear back till after Thanksgiving. And I have an interview today for a very temporary position, filling in for someone on leave, but my mom doesn’t approve of the location of the job. I feel like my mom shouldn’t be able to tell me what I can and cannot do at this point. I don’t live with her, I’m not dependent on her. So why does she think she can tell me I can’t take a temp job based on the location? I mean, I’m not stoked about the temp job, but it would give me valuable experience and money in my checking account that I desperately need. Of course, it would be much more ideal to be offered a permanent job somewhere, but I’m in a crappy situation where I have to take what I can get. If I have to go too many more weeks unemployed, I will go crazy.
Finding a good position after the last agency I worked for went under has been the most difficult task I’ve ever had. It is extremely discouraging. I need some good news soon or I can see myself sinking into horrible depression again. Good thing I have my appointment tomorrow, a raise in my Abilify might be the only thing I’ll have going for me.