Hanging in the Balance

“There was no margin for error. The odds against them were tremendous, but the stakes were high. But now, steady’s the word… one false move and four lives hang in the balance.” -from The Adventures of Ichabod & Mr. Toad

Began this post early morning but didn’t have time to finish it until after work:

I am calm and mellow, like I might be entering a longterm pleasant, balanced state for once. Yesterday was busy but had a nostalgic effect on me. It started with a psychiatrist appointment at 8am. I was very tired, but the weather and atmosphere reminded me of a trip to Boston (my only trip to Boston) that I took with my classmates senior year of high school. This time of year, too. A lot of construction was going on around my psychiatrist’s office yesterday, so I had to park much farther away. The walk was very enjoyable because the weather was stormy yet mild and the general atmosphere–the air–felt like Boston. I cannot remember Boston with enough detail to actually describe the similarities, it was just a sensation I had. As I was walking past all the noisy construction, I thought about calling my best friend from high school to plan a short trip to Boston. But oh wait, she hasn’t spoken to me in well over a year. So never mind about that.

Back to the psychiatrist appointment. The only thing worth reporting is that she keeps an ambient noise machine in her waiting room. It was on some sort of soothing wave setting, but I noticed there was a thunderstorm setting. I changed it, listened to the thunderstorm and said, “I really want one of these.” Maybe for my birthday. I think the thunderstorm background noise would create a nice aura for writing. The consistence of the subdued noise would also add some balance to my brain, I think. When I woke up this morning and was getting ready, it was storming, which helped me start the day off calmly. I’m a weirdo who normally doesn’t like sunny days very much.

(Update: If you talk to my boyfriend, he will tell you I was not balanced today. I had a nightmare last night and it began to upset me badly as the morning went on.)

Anyway, after the psychiatrist appointment I went to work, and after work I got a haircut, and after the haircut I went to a pharmacy store to buy orajel. I burnt the back of my mouth/inner cheek with a poptart and it’s not healing. Ouch, it makes me feel less like myself.

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