I don’t know why I care so much about this, but I do, so I’m just gonna roll with it. The second time I viewed the trailer for the upcoming Cinderella movie, I just bitched through the whole thing. I was watching it with a coworker; when it ended he said, “Remind me to never watch a movie trailer with you again.” This movie looks Godforsaken awful. Humungous budget, extensive postproduction, Kenneth Branagh, Cate Blanchett…yet such limited imagination! How could you, Kenneth? From what I’ve seen thus far, I infer that the movie is D.O.A. Here are the grievances that come to mind easiest:
1) Okay well for starters, the teaser trailer is nothing more than the glass slipper rotating around slowly, accompanied by unfittingly dramatic music. And then a random butterfly lands on it. Ohhhhh wow, my interest is really peaked, guys!
2) Why does Cinderella have to look like…Cinderella? I mean, she’s the Cinderella that you’d see at Disney World! I go to the theater to see a compelling, inspired film. I go to Disney World to stand in line and get autographs from stereotypical, blonde, costumed actresses! Wait, I don’t even do that anymore! So why did they decide to go in such a cliche direction with the character? Why is there no personality? Where is the imagination and creative agency here?
3) A commenter on the official trailer aptly questioned, “Why do I feel like I already saw the movie?” Exactly! YOU HAVE! This movie looks like a waste of time. We all, perhaps with the exception of young children, are just going to fall asleep. I bet that this movie would have even put me to sleep when I was a child. The 1950 animated film had a lot charm, trauma, and, yes, magic; we don’t need to see it badly replicated with real people. This movie is apparently just going to walk us through the story we already know, whilst throwing in disgustingly sweet lines like “Where there is kindness, there is goodness, and where there is goodness, there is magic!” Bleh!
4) Just because Helena Bonham Carter is in your movie, that doesn’t automatically make your movie quirky! I mean, if you’re going to even point to that direction of quirkiness, then get Tim Burton involved! Shame on you, Kenneth! And shame on you for cheating on Emma Thompson with Helena! But that love affair has been over for ages! Move on, man!