How I would like to be spending Saturday night:


How I actually am spending Saturday night:

bagel bites

Oh, except I don’t have that “Better Batter.” Or that dude.

Wait, my perfect Saturday night consists of Alex hitting on me in a fuzzy warbles shop?

Yes, Yes, Yes.

Not hard to make up my rassoodok on this one! If I could go on a date with a fictional character, it would be Alex, for these reasons:

1. The man really has a devilish way with words:

“What you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on? I bet you got, say, pitiful, portable picnic players. Come with uncle and hear all proper! Hear angels’ trumpets and devils’ trombones. You are invited!”

Invitation, accepted!

2. I do not enjoy alcohol, so I’m particularly fond of men who prefer milk laced with drugs.

clockwork orange 3

3. I imagine that a nighttime drive with Alex in his Durango ’95 would give me a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through my guttiwuts. But no droogs are allowed to come along with us on our date night!

clockwork orange 2

4. Alex knows that Beethoven is fantastic date music and it really sets the mood for, well, you know…

ultra violence

Drinking at the Korova Milk Bar, viddying an ol’ sinny, slooshying to Beethoven, and spatting the nochy away…sounds like a dream date to me!

Would Alex be a suitable long-term malchick droogie? God, no. But a night out with him in that weird dystopian wonderland would be real horrorshow. I’m sure I could convince him to pop some bagel bites in the oven after all of our fun has been had.

One thought on “Ultraromance

  1. It would definitely be a real guff to spend a nochy or two with that bezoomny bratchny.
    While I loved reading the novel by Anthony Burgess, it was rather difficult to decipher all the nadsat words (had to keep referring to the glossary for explanation!)

    Liked by 1 person

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